


Transformation

by IRegretNothingAndEverything



Series: Tommy is of the stars, Benrey of the void, Bubby of the tube, and Coomer of the enhanced. Gordon? Gordon's along for the ride. [9]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Losing Teeth, M/M, The Void, Transforming into an inhuman creature, gordon is having a time, it's not necessarily bad just... a time, trying to learn how to being not human works, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25891087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IRegretNothingAndEverything/pseuds/IRegretNothingAndEverything
Summary: Gordon wakes up with teeth in his mouth and yet he's not missing any teeth. This is the first of a series of changes as he pulls further away from human, and closer to Benrey.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Series: Tommy is of the stars, Benrey of the void, Bubby of the tube, and Coomer of the enhanced. Gordon? Gordon's along for the ride. [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871698
Comments: 44
Kudos: 328
Collections: Key Enjoyed





	1. Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pumping these out rn cause I just got into my dorm and I have been doing nothing but this. Anyways, I'm vibing and this is gonna be the start of a new multi-chap thing. It won't be as long as What Happened? but I dunno how long it will be.

Alright, so, they really had no reference to how one changed from human into... whatever Benrey was. Even Benrey didn’t seem to know. Which was... fine. Whatever. 

What wasn’t okay was waking up with teeth in your mouth. 

Gordon rolled over in his sleep, then sat up as he choked quickly, coughing up three teeth. What. The. Fuck. 

He held them in his hand as he stood, running his tongue over his teeth, pushing into the bathroom, luckily unoccupied, and bared his teeth at the mirror, dragging his cheek to the side to find his missing teeth. 

But there were none missing. 

Gordon paused, staring at himself in the mirror, teeth bared, confused. What... He looked down at his hand. Okay, so there were three teeth there, for sure. He looked back up. No teeth missing. 

“Is anyone awake?” He called out, a bit quiet in case they were all still asleep. 

“Gordon why the fuck are you yelling in the morning?” Bubby snarked at him from the living room. Gordon peeked out, seeing him wrapped up in a large blanket, Coomer passed out with his head in Bubby’s lap. “What’s your issue.” 

Gordon moved over to him, holding out his hand palm up to show the teeth. 

“... Are those yours?” 

“I think so...” 

“How the fuck did you lose that many teeth at once?” 

“Bubby... There are no teeth missing in my mouth. But you have confirmed I am not hallucinating these teeth, right?” 

Bubby stared at him, eyes darting down to the teeth. “Well... I can see them...” He extracted one hand to poke one of the teeth in Gordon’s palm, hand jerking back. “And feel them... gross...” 

“So they’re real.” 

“They are.” 

“I woke up with these three teeth in my mouth. No teeth missing.” 

Bubby continued to stare. 

“Are you sure?” 

Gordon sighed, then bared his teeth for Bubby, showing that, no, there were no missing teeth. Bubby blinked, then frowned.

“Come closer...” Gordon raised an eyebrow at him, but leaned forwards for him, not too close so Bubby wouldn’t complain about his morning breath. 

“Have these teeth here... On the right top side, all in a row there... have they always been that sharp?” Gordon blinked, pulling away from him and running his tongue over his right top teeth and paused. Okay those felt super sharp. He turned, going back into the bathroom to look himself. 

Yeah... those were sharper. Way sharper... Almost Benrey level. 

Which would make sense. He was turning into whatever Benrey was, he was pretty sure... 

“Uh no... That’s new. We figured out the mystery of my teeth though...” 

“Not really.” 

“Bubby... at least they aren’t someone else’s teeth in my mouth when I woke up.” 

Bubby stared at him quietly, then nodded. “Fair.” 

* * *

For a week afterwards, he would wake up with teeth in his mouth. It ranged to one singular tooth, up to that Friday, when he had woken up with ten teeth missing and regrown in the middle of the night. 

He kept them all for the time being. He wanted to know when this would end. 

Benrey had no clue what was happening, but did confirm that Gordon’s teeth looked like his own now. 

It was... weird. 

When he had finally lost-and regrown-all thirty two teeth, he gathered up his old teeth in a box. Why he continued to keep them, Gordon could not tell you, but he hid them off in a box filled with other random things he kept that he could not explain. 

Whatever. Losing teeth was probably not going to be the weirdest thing that happened during this. 


	2. Height

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally posted the first chapter... and started writing this one... 
> 
> Gordon wears sweatpants, so those grew with him but he was shirtless so those didn't!

When he woke up, Gordon didn’t fit inside his favorite MIT sweatshirt. Which was weird. He had bought it way bigger on purpose for this reason, cause he always liked big sweatshirts. 

Must’ve sunk in the wash. 

That was his thought, until he couldn’t fit in any of his shirts or jackets. 

What... the fuck? 

He hit his head on the doorway trying to peek his head out of the door. “Hey guys?” Gordon called out, feeling safe to do so, as it was already past when they would all wake up. 

“Yes Gordon?” 

“You mind if I’m shirtless? None of my shirts seem to fit anymore...” 

There was silence, before Benrey piped up. “None of them?” 

“Nope.” 

There was another paused before Tommy piped up. “If you’re comfortable with it, we don’t mind!” 

Gordon nodded slightly, moving out of his room, hitting his head on the doorway into the living room this time. Bubby snorted, but blinked at him. “uh... you don’t say...” 

“What?” Gordon looked around and realized... “Why does everyone look so... short?” 

“We aren’t the short ones, Gordon, you got bigger!” Coomer announced, standing, and, oh my god, he was tiny next to Gordon. He was small next to anyone, but next to Gordon right now? Jesus. 

“Uhm....” Gordon blinked, and then Benrey stood. He was small next to him too, but he shifted slightly and then was matching Gordon. He blinked, then sighed. “Is this another thing I’m going to have to learn to control?” He muttered, and Benrey nodded slightly. 

“I can get a shirt for you to fit you.” 

“Please... I’m cold...” Gordon muttered, moving carefully, a bit unused to be just... larger. It wasn’t comfortable on the couch, so he just sat on the floor. Sunkist... felt like a normal sized golden retriever. That was the main sign to him. 

Benrey brought out his favorite MIT hoodie. 

God he loved Benrey. 

* * *

It didn’t get any better. 

Gordon woke up the next day-he wore both his hoodie and his sweatpants to sleep, so he could have clothing-and found himself under the blankets so completely that it took him nearly five minutes to fight his way out and end up on the end of his bed. Holy fuck. 

He was tiny. 

Gordon shifted, trying to figure out a safe way down, before tilting his head, and yelling out. “Sunkist!” 

He heard Tommy make a noise, and Sunkist nosed her way into the room. She sniffed at him carefully, and he climbed onto her snout, carefully climbing up to sit on her head. 

“Mr. Freeman! Why’d you call Sunkist?” Tommy called back, and Gordon sighed. 

“Go back to Tommy girl.” 

She huffed, looking around as if trying to find him, before walking back out to the living room. 

Tommy lit up once he saw her, and then realize... “Mr. Freeman... is that you?” 

“Tommy, that’s Sunkist, what are you on?” Bubby asked, then blinked once. “Holy shit.” 

“Hey guys... So I fucked up again somehow? And now I’m tiny. Where’s Benrey?” 

Tommy held out a hand to Gordon, who carefully stepped onto it, holding onto his thumb to balance himself. Tommy hummed softly, before shrugging. “I dunno. He wasn’t here when we woke up this morning.” 

Gordon nodded slightly, and Tommy stood, moving over to Coomer and Bubby. Coomer looked up, and looked absolutely delighted by how small Gordon was. 

Coomer had a little pocket in his shirt. Gordon ended up spending the day in there with Coomer, as he talked on. 

He may have also taken a nap. 

It was warm. Not his fault. 

* * *

His size fluctuated for awhile, as he tried to steady himself, and sometimes changed in the middle of him doing something leaving him inconveniently indisposed. Which sucked a lot. 

Like Sweet Voice, this was something he had to learn to control. When he did, his proportions began to shift and go off. 

He spent two days in the room, trying to find a way around that one. 

Benrey sat with him when he could, helping him through it. Unlike sweet voice, this had more linear instructions rather than just ‘it could be done’ 

It was easier to handle, considering he still didn’t have full control over sweet voice. 

He didn’t have full control of it in his sleep either, but he did figure out how to reshift back to his normal size when he woke up. 

Though sometimes he did shrink himself on purpose to sit in Coomer’s pocket. 

It was warm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon is like 'how the FUCK do I handle not being human... what's going on'


	3. NoClip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones kinda fun, but also not at the same time...

He knew the Benrey just melted through the walls sometimes. Gordon knew it was going to happen, that at first he wasn’t going to be able to control it when he did it, but that didn’t stop the panic when he woke up, went to get up, and sunk through his bed. 

Luckily for Gordon he did not sink through the floor, but unluckily that meant he was stuck... in his bed. 

How the fuck did he get out 

It felt... like nothing. Like there was nothing there, and that was more terrifying than if it felt like something. He got more panicked, shifting and trying to pull himself free, but he was stuck, with no way out and no clue how to get out. 

He sat for a moment, eyes closed as he tried to think of any way to get free, before giving up, calling out. “Benrey!” 

Normally, Benrey was up before Gordon, simply because he didn’t sleep the same, and he liked slipping through and checking on the others as they woke up. Gordon also had a tendency to wake up and want to be up the moment he was awake. Benrey like to lounge there for a bit, and often kept Gordon from getting up 

So the consequences of that is that Benrey was up and got caught up in something to keep him from fucking with Gordon, and Gordon was stuck in the bed. 

Benrey didn’t come in. 

Gordon paused, then tried to shift slightly, before calling out a bit louder. “Benrey?” 

“He’s not here, Mr. Freeman!” Gordon blinked, processing what Tommy had said. 

This was another thing Benrey had been doing. He’d pop back to Xen for some reason, for something, Gordon didn’t know, and wouldn’t be there when Gordon woke up. He usually came back within an hour, but that was too long to be stuck in this bed. 

Gordon paused, weighing his options. Bubby might make fun of him, but Tommy was the only one who could also get to Xen, and if Coomer came into sit with him while he was stuck, Bubby would follow. 

But he really didn’t want to be stuck for an hour. 

“... Tommy?” 

Tommy pushed open the door, the paused when he saw Gordon partially stuck in his own bed. “... I see why you needed Benrey. Want me to go get him?” 

“Please.” 

“I’ll get Coomer and Bubby.” 

“Thanks Tommy...” 

Coomer paused as he walked in, causing Bubby to run into him. Bubby growled softly, looking up, and then paused. 

“Are you-” 

“Stuck in the fucking bed, yes, get your laughing out now.” Gordon muttered, and Bubby snickered softly. Coomer sighed, moving over to sit on the bed, frowning slightly. 

“How did this happen?” 

Gordon shifted his one free shoulder in a shrug. “Good question. I guess I can just phase through things now.” He muttered, and Coomer nodded slightly, glancing towards the door, where Bubby had yet to come in. Faintly, they could both hear him giggling. 

“He’s gonna hold this over me forever isn’t he?” Gordon said softly, trying to find some sort of position that wasn’t uncomfortable as hell, and also maybe let him feel... something. He sighed lowly, closing his eyes, trying to keep breathing. 

“I don’t think so. He’ll calm down eventually, and he knows I have hundreds of stories of when he first started controlling fire.” Coomer raised his voice, and Bubby’s giggles went silent. He grinned, then looked down to Gordon. “You alright?” 

“It... it feels like nothing. Like that part of me isn’t even real anymore.” He murmured, keeping his eyes closed, still breathing carefully. Coomer frowned slightly. “It’s... it’s weird. and wrong. I really want Benrey to get here soon.” Gordon looked up at Coomer, who nodded slightly. 

“Well... I suppose I can share a few of those stories with you anyways... I have so many of them.” Bubby shuffled in, pouting at him. 

“Just because it took me nearly a year to get it down-” 

“Now I’m not making fun of you dear, I just find them funny.” 

Gordon let them bicker above him, focusing on that, instead of the strangeness of not having a heartbeat, not feeling his own breathing. 

Tommy came in a few minutes later, Benrey behind him, almost panicked. Benrey spotted Gordon, who was starting to get worked up again despite Coomer and Bubby’s attempts. 

When Benrey grabbed his hand, he pulled Gordon free, growing slightly to be taller than him, hugging him tightly. Gordon clung back, breathing deeply, actually feeling his chest move when he did. 

“God it’s good to have lungs.” He muttered, and despite the panic that they had both felt, Benrey’s shoulders started shaking in suppressed laughter. Gordon paused, before snorting, tugging himself away from Benrey to laugh. 

“Gordon, did you just say ‘it’s good to have lungs?’” Bubby asked, only receiving Gordon flipping him off. 

It was all the answer the group needed before they all dissolved into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i just moved into my dorm and classes don't start for like... another week or two, and most of them are online anyways, so I'm sitting here writing stuff, and I realized 
> 
> Bro I have no food. I'm not going shopping for another two days 
> 
> I'm about to live on unseasoned tuna and pretzels.


	4. Xen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmm... I have a small idea.... We'll see how it works out.

The... noclipping, as Benrey called it, was hard to master. He couldn’t go out in public until he figured it out, but luckily Darnold was willing to go out for them. It was lucky he had run into Darnold when he did, honestly. 

He did often leave King with them... well, with Bubby. King had taken a liking to Bubby. Darnold said it was because Bubby was always weirdly warm. Bubby insisted it was because the rat knew who was best. 

So, Gordon was stuck at home, random sinking through things and getting stuck and just generally being upset. 

At one point he leaned against the wall and got his arm stuck. It was... kinda fear inducing, not being able to feel his hand, but Benrey was usually there quickly to pull him free from whatever he had gotten himself stuck into. It helped too, that when Bubby started to snicker, Coomer would bust out some story about Bubby lighting something on fire with his emotions. 

Still. It sucked. He was getting better at getting out on his own, and being able to move when he got stuck in something, so he was counting that as a win. 

At some point, he stopped sleeping so much. Well... that’s a lie, he stopped sleeping at all. He didn’t really feel tired anymore, so he didn’t go to bed, just continuing what ever he was doing until Coomer wandered in and wondered why he was still up. 

It was a few days after the last time he had slept when Benrey slipped through the wall into his room, holding out his hand. “C’mon bro. We’re, uh, we’re gonna go to Xen.” 

Gordon stared at him for a moment, before accepting his hand, setting aside the book he had been reading and letting Benrey drag him through to Xen. 

It looked the same, weird and fleshy, with the head crabs scuttering around and the larger beasts doing whatever it was they did but... Something felt different. Gordon paused, blinking a few times, before looking around. Something felt completely different here. 

“What’s... what happened?” Gordon asked, and to his surprise, Benrey lit up, grinning at him. 

“You feel it?” He asked, bouncing, and Gordon couldn’t help but smile back at him, nodding. 

“Yeah. I don’t know what ‘it’ is, but I feel... different.” 

Benrey grinned, dragging Gordon with him. He didn’t answer any questions, but Gordon stopped asking after he ignored the first two, content with being dragged around by Benrey. 

“So, uh, you know how, you’ve uh, had trouble? With everything for a bit?” Benrey asked, stopping inside one of the many random ‘rooms’ of Xen, glancing around. 

“Yeah?” 

“Well, uh, I think it’s cause earth is... different from here? And here is, uh, home?” Benrey grinned slightly. “Here is home. So it’s... it’s got a different feel? It’s better.” 

Gordon laughed softly. “So, like, it’ll be easier to master it here?” 

Benrey shook his head. “You already know how to do everything. You just... had to feel it right. And here is right!” 

“Here is right?” he asked, tilting his head and Benrey frowned softly, trying to find the right words to explain it.

“It’ll... speed it up? Make it easier?” Benrey nodded to himself. “Both. Kinda. I had to see if it would work, but it did, and does, so it’ll help.” 

“What will help Benrey?” Gordon asked softly, glancing around Xen. 

“Xen will. It’s home.” 

Gordon stared at him a moment, before nodding slowly, leaning against the wall. Benrey frowned at him after a moment. 

“I’m not explaining it right, am I?” 

“I don’t know. You say it’s gonna... help me? Speed this whole thing up? But I don’t know if what I’m feeling is what you are, or if it is, but everything’s already done, or what.” Gordon looked over at Benrey, who seemed disappointed. “I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault.” Benrey mumbled, sitting down on the ground. Gordon sat next to him, wrapping an arm around him. 

“I’m sure we can-” And at that moment, Gordon slipped through the ground with a shout, Benrey scrambled to catch him but missed and-

Gordon slipped out, sinking into the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm....


	5. Void

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This only works if I write it in a different style than normal with a lot of repetition and stuff so... does it work out?

It was nothing. 

He was nothing. 

The idea of who he had been once before, what he was, was nothing. 

There was nothing here. No one to call out to to save him, no one to pull him back up to safety. 

It felt like he had fallen forever, sinking through the nothing. 

He couldn’t see Benrey anymore. 

He couldn’t see Xen   
Had they ever existed? 

Had he? 

Who was he? 

Did those questions have answers? 

No, no, they had to. 

They had to have answers. 

Benrey was real. 

He had held Benrey in his arms as he cried.

Xen was real. 

They had killed G-Man there. 

Coomer was real. 

He was the one who made breakfasts.

Bubby was real. 

He burned dinner a few nights ago.

Tommy was real. 

He was the sun and the stars. 

Sunkist was real. 

He remembers the feel of her fur under his hands. 

Darnold was real. 

he gave him that arm... back then... right? 

King was real. 

Bubby was his favorite. 

Joshua was real. 

He had birthed a son? 

They were real. 

They had to be real. 

Was he? 

It didn’t feel like he was real. 

Was he real? 

Was he a person? 

Someone? 

Anyone? 

There was no answer. 

There was nothing. 

It had always been nothing. 

He had nothing. 

No body. 

No head. 

No thoughts. 

He was nothing. 

.

.

.

He wouldn’t let it end like that. 

He had to be real. 

Joshua needed him to be real

Benrey? 

Or Tommy? 

Someone needed him to be real. 

He would be real. 

He would be real if it killed him. 

He would have a body.

He would have a head. 

He would. 

He would. 

. 

Skeleton. 

Muscle. 

Skin. 

Hair. 

Body. 

Gordon Freeman was real. 

He was real. 

He would go home. 

He wanted to go home. 

“... home...” 

And Gordon was in bed. He could hear. He could see. He could breathe. So he did. He took it in. He was real. 

Benrey crying in the other room was just as real. Gordon frowned a moment, slowly standing, listening to that voice, focusing on it. 

“He just slipped through, and I couldn’t find him anywhere, I just followed him down but he was gone, Tommy, he was gone!” 

No... he was here. He was real. Gordon stood slowly, carefully. Well. Tried to. It felt new. Everything was new. A body? 

He had a body before. He could pilot a body no problem. 

It became true as he thought it, Gordon standing again, turning in a careful circle. 

“Benrey, please, he’ll be okay! He’s, he’s like you-” 

“We don’t know if he can survive that kind of thing Tommy!” 

Gordon looked up. Tommy. Tommy was real. Tommy liked soda and beyblades. He had made Sunkist perfect. Tommy was his friend. 

“Benrey, please, Gordon is gonna be okay.” Oh that was new. Coomer? Coomer was nice. He slept in Coomer’s pockets. Coomer was nice... bright. 

“You don’t know that...” Oh that was Bubby, right? Bubby... bubby was fire, hot and burning, and yet so careful. 

“Bubby, please...” Tommy again. He was sunshine wasn’t he? Bright and loud and wonderful sunshine. 

“He could be down there forever. I-I have to go back, I have to find him, I need to find him-” And Benrey. Benrey... Benrey was safe. Benrey was warm. Benrey... was home. 

And Gordon, real as he was, took a breath, and remembered. 

“Oh shit...” He flung open the door, running out into the living room quickly. How could he have just stood there the entire time, letting them argue, as Benrey sobbed. He needed to show then he was okay! “Guys!” 

“Gordon?” Gordon skidded to a stop, panting softly. 

“Hey, hey, I’m okay! I’m fine!” He grinned at them, eyes darting between them all. There was a pause, before Benrey launched himself at Gordon, clinging onto him tightly, shaking apart. “Hey, it’s okay...” color bubbled between them, as they both sunk to the floor, singing sweet voice, Benrey trying to communicate and Gordon trying to calm him down, clinging back onto Benrey just as tightly. 

There was a pause, before Tommy sunk down next to them, holding onto both of them. Gordon shifted, moving his arm to drag Tommy closer into the hug, and that just brought Coomer and Bubby in, surrounding Gordon in warmth, as he felt his body come back to itself fully, as he felt... real again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Void is not fun the first time you go there bro.


	6. Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has a lil panic attack here, and like unreality problems. The Void is not fun the first time.

Benrey didn’t really let go of Gordon, not for awhile. He hung on Gordon’s shoulders, clinging onto him every moment that Gordon would let him, and Gordon let him. It was nice, actually. He’d rather be around them all, actually, to prove he was real again. 

He had only been in the void for four hours, according to Benrey. Benrey knew how to keep time in the void. He had been nothing for four hours. It wasn’t nearly as long as Benrey had been at one point, but it was so... horrible. 

Gordon had been nothing for four hours. 

He really liked being around them all, knowing he was real, as opposed to being alone and nothing. 

“It was that bad?” Benrey asked softly, and Gordon looked up, realizing he had been spilling sweet voice, fear and pain and helplessness floating around his head. They were on the couch, Gordon pressed against Benrey’s chest. They had been watching a movie when Gordon started thinking about it. 

Bubby was across the couch. Gordon stared at him quietly, trying to think of something else. Coomer was draped across his chest, the two of them watching the movie half awake. Tommy was already asleep on the floor, Sunkist laying across his chest. 

“Gordon.” He closed his eyes, trying to not think about it. He had been nothing. Nothing, no body, no brain, just nothing. He fell into nothing, and he was gone. He could have disappeared so easily, gone into nothing, no one- 

Softly, he began to hear Benrey singing above him, blue light drowning out the dark panic and fear that began to surround him. Gordon whined softly, clinging onto Benrey. 

“I wasn’t... real.” He said softly, sniffling. “I wasn’t real. I wasn’t, I’m nothing there, I was....” Gordon clung onto Benrey’s shirt-which was his, he noticed faintly, Benrey just liked stealing all of shirts-trying to breathe. His vision focused on the weird things, the colors floating in the air, Bubby’s eyes flicking between him and the TV, Sunkist’s tail flicking slowly across the floor. 

His head hurt. 

“You’re real, Gordon, I’ve got you.” Benrey murmured, and Gordon’s eyes flicked up at him again, focusing on Benrey’s eyes, the color bursting behind them, the same colors floating around them. Benrey was safe. Benrey wouldn’t lie to him like that. “You’re here, in my arms, safe from the void. I will not let you fall again.” 

Gordon nodded slowly, staring past Benrey’s eyes, towards those hidden bubbles, and relaxed, breathing slowly as he focused there, Benrey blinking slowly at him. He was safe. He was real. 

“You alright?” Benrey asked softly after a moment, and Gordon nodded, laying his head back on Benrey’s chest slowly. He looked around again, noticing Coomer sleeping, but Bubby wide awake, eyes focused not on the movie, but on him. They stared for a moment, before Bubby mouthed ‘are you alright?’ at him. Gordon nodded again, closing his eyes. He felt Benrey nod a moment later and felt a jolt of affection for Bubby shoot through him. He never understood why Bubby felt like he had to hide how much he cared. 

Still, Gordon clung onto Benrey, feeling his hand slowly rub up and down his back. He was safe. He was real. 

He was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to expand a bit more on the Void Issues, but I think there'll be another lil thing of Gordon's shifting, though there was a bit of that here, so it's not just Gordon being sad. 
> 
> Not to say the angst sends here :)


	7. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda filler but I figured it would be nice to have a soft chapter after the angst of the past few

“The fact that you were even able to pull yourself out, no matter the amount of time it took, shows that you aren’t human anymore. That’s really the defining moment, I think.” Benrey hummed, leaning back against Gordon’s chest as Gordon played with his hair. “Tommy could do it. I don’t think Coomer or Bubby could, just cause they’re closer to human than us.” 

“It is an us now, huh?” Gordon said softly, and Benrey looked up at him, confused. “Piecing myself back together like that, after the void, that’s... that’s the defining moment, you said? I’m not human, confirmed, one hundred percent.” He didn’t sound upset by this, just stating facts, but Benrey still sat up carefully, turning to face him. 

“You... okay?” 

“I think it’s... just fully sinking in. Like, I’m not human. It’s not an upsetting realization, just... a realization.” Gordon blinked, carefully taking Benrey’s hands, humming lowly. Benrey looked down at their hands a moment, confused. Gordon wasn’t upset, he said that, and his sweet voice showed that, but it... was weird. “Do you think that I can go back to Xen safely?” 

Benrey looked up at Gordon’s question, eyes wide. Not the fact that Gordon was asking to go back, Benrey expected that. Xen called to them both, deep in their subconscious, and eventually, they would always spend some time there, even if it’s just reforming after death. It was more the fact that he was asking at all, this quickly. “Probably. Xen is home. She’ll protect you, even if it... seems weird.”   
Gordon paused a moment, then glanced over. “She?” 

“Uh... yeah. She. I don’t... know if she’s actually... alive. It feels like it.” Benrey hummed a few notes quietly, unsurprised by Gordon’s slow nod. 

“Yeah... now that you mention it...” Gordon hummed. “It does feel... like she’s alive...” 

“But at the same time.” 

“Not.” 

Gordon fell silent, focusing on that in the back of his head for a moment. 

“What do you think it means for me?” He asked, and Benrey sighed. 

“I... don’t know.” He hated not knowing, but... Gordon was the only one who had gone through this. The only one he knew that had been human before and shifted away from it. To him. 

He had been alone before Gordon, and now... he had no answers for the person that needed them most. 

Gordon nodded slightly. “That’s alright... We’ll figure it out.” Benrey sighed softly, then leaned forwards, leaning his head on Gordon’s shoulder. 

“Together?” 

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what I'm gonna do with this! there should be only two or three more chapters!


	8. Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having fun with this! especially since the moment I post things, Oliver yells at me for them akdfnwefwo

Benrey chose to dream that night. He chose, keeping himself hidden in the dreams his mind conjured for him, knowing Gordon was going home. He knew Gordon would get up at some point and slip off back to Xen, and Benrey knew he had to not follow him. 

When he woke up, Gordon was gone. Benrey could still feel the calm radiating from Xen, and took it as a good sign, moving into the living room. He glanced to the side, seeing Bubby leaning against Coomer, curled up under a blanket, still shivering. “Hey... you good?” 

Bubby glanced at him, nodding once, focusing back in on Coomer talking quietly. Benrey frowned, then sang out a few sweet voice bubbles, moving over and batting them at Bubby. He frowned, before realizing they were radiating heat. “How in the world-” 

“It’s your name, dude, you’re fire. So... you’re all warm. Tommy’s all warm too, cause he’s the sun.” Benrey then wandered into the kitchen, letting Bubby take that however he wished. 

Luckily for them, Coomer was good at breakfast foods, and usually made food when he got up, leaving it for the rest of them as they staggered out of bed. He couldn’t be trusted with anything else, but it meant that Gordon’s absence wasn’t yet noted. Benrey wanted to keep it as much on the down low as possible. 

As much as they understood, they wouldn’t get this. He had to go back. 

He had to. 

So, Benrey gathered food, standing in the doorway and listening to Coomer recite the Wikipedia article for the Cat in the Hat movie. How they had gotten there, Benrey didn’t want to ask. 

Tommy shuffled out a little while later, with Darnold behind him. Both ignored Benrey’s wolf whistle, though he could see Darnold flush, pressing himself closer to Tommy.   
“Oh, leave them alone, Benrey.” Coomer insisted. “Young love is beautiful! You and Gordon were much the same!” Benrey nodded slightly, glancing back into the kitchen as Tommy leaned his head on top of Darnold’s, the two of them talking indistinctly to each other. 

“Speaking of Gordon...” Benrey tensed slightly as Bubby spoke up. “Isn’t he usually awake by now?” Benrey nodded once, not looking over at them. 

Bubby stared at him, eyes narrowed. Coomer glanced between them, before focusing on Benrey. “... Benrey?” 

“Mmm?” 

“Where’s Gordon?” 

Benrey felt that moment of panic seize him. He didn’t think they’d figure it out this quickly. “... huh?” 

“No, you heard him, where’s Gordon?” Bubby insisted, and Benrey sighed softly, closing his eyes. 

“Why does it matter?” He asked softly, and Bubby was up, blanket around his shoulders like a cape. “He’s not hurt. He’s safe. That’s all that matters.” 

Coomer stood on the other side of Bubby, as Tommy peeked his head into the living room, having heard Bubby raising his voice. “What’s going on?” 

“Somethings up with Gordon and Benrey here is hiding it.” Bubby said, and Benrey sighed. 

“I’m not hiding it. He’s fine.” 

Tommy blinked, then smiled. “He is fine, to be fair, Bubby. He’s not hurt, not that Xen would hurt him like that again.” 

They all fell silent, and Benrey realized he should have trusted Tommy at least. Of course he knew, and of course he was okay with it. Tommy always seemed to have the knowledge that was needed in that moment. 

“He’s on Xen? You know, the place that threw him into the void for four hours and threw you into a panic attack?” Bubby rounded back on Benrey who sighed. 

“He has to. He has to be on Xen right now, dude, it just.. he has to.” Benrey frowned at himself, singing a few notes of frustration at himself. Bubby stared him down, eyes narrowed slightly. 

Tommy sighed, stepping between them, blocking Benrey from view so he could compose himself again. “If Benrey says he has to, it’s probably connected to Mr. Freeman’s shift from being human. If Benrey’s this insistent, then it has to be important.” He glanced back to Benrey. “Right?” 

Benrey nodded quickly. “He has to. There’s a, there’s a thing he’s gotta do there?” He blinked a few times, then shook his head. “A thing that has to happen, and then, it’ll be over. He’ll be human shaped again, and it’ll end.”   
“And you’re sure it has to be on Xen?” Benrey nodded again, and Tommy nodded to Bubby, who, despite not being happy about it, relaxed, tugging Coomer back to sit, leaning against him on couch, eyes narrowed at Benrey, 

“If anything... anything happens to him, I’ll know, she’ll tell me.” Benrey said softly, settling on the edge of the couch furthest away from Bubby’s glare. “I know she will.” 

Tommy slipped back into the kitchen, and Benrey could hear him faintly talking to Darnold. He didn’t focus on the words, instead choosing to focus on the fact that there were voices, now on both sides of him as Coomer started his Wikipedia article back where it had been interrupted.   
And so they settled in the living room, Benrey focusing on the voices and not the words, time passing like molasses. 

Until, for a split second, there was panic, fear, pain, and Benrey gasped, sitting up suddenly. 

“Somethings wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh... how you guys doing?


	9. Together and Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said two more chapters, but this just... felt like a nice way to end it.

“Something’s wrong.” Benrey felt panicked, the fear passing through to him as well, hands shaking as he began to panic a bit. Something was wrong, very wrong, this wasn’t supposed to be like this- 

“Benrey.” His head snapped over to Tommy, bending a bit too far than what would be considered human, though no one seemed to care much. “Breathe. We can get to Xen and help him, but if you’re panicking too it won’t help.” 

Benrey nodded slightly, hands shaking as he focused on calming down for a second. As he did that, the others stood, making sure they were prepared for whatever was about to happen. Tommy offered for Darnold to stay at the apartment, but he declined, just as worried about Gordon. 

Once calm, Benrey and Tommy made sure they were in some way connected to the others, and slipped through to Xen. 

To the others, it looked and felt like nothing was different than any of the other times they had ended up here. To Benrey, he knew there was something wrong, as if the very being of Xen cried out. He shifted, growing large enough so he could hold all four of them, and slipped through the walls of Xen, settling into a room, large and imposing 

What made it worse was the shapeless mass screaming in the middle. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Gordon was supposed to be able to control it by coming here, it wasn’t supposed to overwhelm him. 

“Is that...” Benrey set them all down, shrinking to their size as well to talk easier. Gordon had yet to notice them. 

“It’s Gordon alright... But this wasn’t what was supposed to happen.” They flinched back as Gordon screamed again. There were so many eyes, all open and scared. Sweet voice surrounded him, colors fluctuating too fast to get a proper read on them, and Benrey felt his pure hopelessness. Tears streamed down his face, eyes darting around to find something, some way to calm him down. 

But Benrey found nothing. 

“What can we do?” Darnold asked, obviously terrified but trying not to show it. The group looked to Benrey, who shook his head. 

“I... I don’t know...” he whimpered, wrapping his arms around himself. .”He’s scared, of course he’s scared it hurt, I don’t...” Benrey stared up at Gordon, watching his form turn liquid and solid, shift through thousands of forms in a second, and he felt scared, for one of the first times in his life. 

He was scared. 

“We can fix this.” Tommy said, eyes darting around. Nothing was hurting them, so at the very least they hadn’t been noticed yet. “We just... we have to get him to calm down, and once he’s calmed down, he’ll be able to stabilize at the very least, right?” He turned to Benrey, who nodded slowly. 

“How do we calm him down? Look at him, except don’t, because whatever noise that is hurts to look at it.” Bubby muttered, keeping focused on Benrey, who sighed lowly. 

“He’s screaming. It hurts because it’s across too many dimensions for someone so close to human to handle.” Bubby glanced at Gordon, flinched back slightly against Coomer, who focused on Benrey instead, trying to get the sound out of his head. 

Gordon shifted again, and Benrey looked over, eyes going wide. “But we have to calm him down quickly, or we lose him completely.” 

“What?” 

“He’s shifting too fast. This much mass displacement... he could easily cause everything here to collapse into a black hole.” 

Tommy stared up at Gordon, before nodding, looking towards the other three. “Alright. You three, don’t get too close, it could, it could be bad, but just... try and make sure that nothing gets to us. There are still things here that could hurt you, or us. Me and Benrey are going to try and calm him down.” 

Coomer nodded once, eyes darting towards Gordon just as his screams reached a higher pitch, shaking the ground underneath them. Benrey turned away from them, ignoring them for now. Right now, all that mattered was calming Gordon down. 

He moved over towards him, and finally, finally Gordon noticed him, thousands of eyes turning to focus on him at once. He felt the shift, but Gordon didn’t stop screaming, tearing himself apart, and Benrey stopped just out of the boundary of what Gordon was. 

“Gordon...” He murmured, closing his eyes and... shifted. Away from the corporeal, matching Gordon in size and mass, though still shapeless and boundless. They were everything and nothing, and Benrey was used to it. 

Gordon was not. 

Benrey could feel his terror, his fear seeping through into the world around the, color changing and shining in bright bursts before going dark once more. 

_It’s okay_

**It’s not**

_It’ll be okay_

**Hurts**

_Trust me_

**Scared**

_I know_

It wasn’t a conversation, not really, just thoughts, ideas bursting in around them, as Gordon struggled against his own sense of self and being, as it shifted, forcing him to pull away from human and to Benrey, and as much as he struggled, it was okay. It was going to be okay. 

**Please...**

_You’ll be okay. Trust me, Gordon, please_

And, as scared as he was, Gordon did. Unconditionally, he could feel it shining through the terror of it all, Gordon trusted him, over all else. 

His screaming stopped. 

It wasn’t truly an embrace, as they were nothing, but they were nothing together, and Benrey felt Gordon relax, the ground of home stopped shaking, and they calmed. 

He wondered, briefly, if he should have waited for Tommy. 

**Tommy?**

No, no, they were alone here. Tommy must have taken them home. He wondered for a moment when he did that, but... no, they were home, in that apartment. None of the others seemed happy with it, but they were home. 

**Home?**

They could go home. Not yet though. Here was safe, and Benrey had to prove that to him. 

**Safe with you.**

_Of course._

And they drifted, together and nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tommy said that they (as in him and Benrey) were going to calm down Gordon, but when Benrey booked it, he took the others home, since he knew what Benrey had to do, and knew that their presence was just going to stress them out more. The others were not happy with him for doing it, but he didn't budge a centimetre, and no one else could go back to Xen, so they were stuck. I could write that part of it? If you guys wanted?


	10. Tommy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should've known my original estimate would have been right :/

The moment Benrey turned to Gordon, Tommy grabbed Darnold’s arm, and looped his other arm around Coomer’s. Luckily for him, Coomer still had a grip on Bubby’s hand, so he didn’t have to make two trips. He pulled them back through, settling in the living room suddenly, and pulled himself away from the others quickly, eyes darting between them. The sudden light had gotten them all blinking and looking around confused. 

“Why are we back here?” Coomer asked, looking towards Tommy, the only one who could transport them between the two places. “They need help-” 

“No, no, Benrey needs to do this.” Tommy said firmly, though his hands were shaking by his side. 

“Just like Gordon had to do it alone? Look where leaving them alone got us!” Tommy took a step back from Bubby, shaking his head. 

“They have to! We can’t do anything to help, they’re gonna... they’re gonna be nothing, we can’t help!” 

“What do you mean by they’re going to be nothing, Tommy?” Darnold asked softly, and Tommy whined, hands coming up to his hair. 

“Exactly that! It’s, it’s eldritch bullshit!” He looked towards them, eyes going wide when they stepped away from him. He looked down at his hands, eyes wide, realizing he was starting to glow as well, tears shining as they fell down his face. He hated leaving them alone. “They are going to be nothing, but they’re nothing together, and it will be okay.” He insisted. 

They fell silent, glancing around at each other for a moment. Tommy tugged at his hair, trying to calm down, sinking to the floor as Sunkist came over, forcing herself between his arms, so he couldn’t pull anymore. For a moment, he sat, clinging to her, before feeling an arm wrap around his back. He glanced up for a moment, seeing Darnold smiling at him. 

“So we wait.” 

Tommy sniffled, nodding slightly. “We have to. There’s... even if there was something we could do, it wouldn’t help to have you guys there. You’re... squishy.” He paused for a moment, before laughing softly at what he said. “Squishy.” 

Darnold laughed, but no one else did, watching Tommy carefully. God, if he could just explain it, it would be so easy. 

But it was eldritch bullshit, as he said, only understood by those who experienced it. 

“They... they could kill you guys if we stayed.” He said instead. It wasn’t really true, but the forms that they lived in now would have been destroyed. They would be alive but nothing, like G-Man was now. 

It wasn’t a pleasant experience the first time, and Tommy had no doubt that it would drive them all mad. 

“Are you sure?” Bubby asked, still unconvinced, though Coomer elbowed his side lightly, gesturing towards Tommy in general. Tommy understood, the form of stars and light shining through the human shape he took on must have been frightening in some way. 

“One hundred percent.” He was never that sure, not often, not really, but here, with knowing what he did, despite his inability to explain it, he knew. Tommy wouldn’t be able to save them all. 

It seemed to pacify Bubby, at least a bit, and Coomer led him over to the couch, where he sat and seemed to pout. Coomer kept a careful eye on him, as well as Tommy. 

“Are you alright?” Tommy turned his attentions towards Darnold, smiling softly at his worried eyes. Despite the glowing tears and the warmth radiating from inside him, Tommy shifted, pressing a gentle kiss to Darnold’s lips. 

“I’ll be okay.” he mumbled, leaning his head onto Darnold’s shoulder. Darnold shifted, settling on the floor next to him, arms around his middle, as Tommy clung onto Sunkist 

Tommy could not tell you when the other two returned, but he knew the moment they were okay. He relaxed into Darnold’s grip, the light finally going dimmer as he realized they would be okay. Moments later, the two returned, hand in hand, and if Gordon’s form was still fuzzy, covered in eyes, no one mentioned it. Instead, they focused on the fact that he was okay, that he was human shaped again, and safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope! That was satisfactory! People tend to forget that Tommy is also an eldritch being, and thus he understands things that could melt a humans brain :) 
> 
> Also someone asked why Gordon is turning, and my idea of it was that he consumed enough sweet voice that his once completely human biology started to accept some of the inhuman bits of the sweet voice, and it just corrupted him slowly, until he wasn't human anymore. Any human could go through this, if they consumed enough sweet voice, but anyone who isn't human wouldn't be as affected by it. Tommy wouldn't be affected by it, as he's already an eldritch being. He could learn sweet voice though, and he does already know how to translate it, obviously, just not actually use it yet.

**Author's Note:**

> And this is just the start bois! UwU


End file.
